Extraterrestrial thoughts |
Not long ago my 23rd birthday passed, June 2nd was the day. I felt so refurbished but brand new at the same time. I was no longer with the man who i thought i would spend the rest of my life with but it was my birthday so i knew my life was to continue. I'm a very introverted person despite the multiple forms of social media i use. Despite the many live videos you see me produce. I consider myself very isolated. As a matter of fact its 10:23 pm and i cant sleep because the reality of my loneliness has finally kicked in again. I'm saying all this to say that as a woman reflecting on her life growing up in foster care. Who fought off mentally physically and emotionally abusive parents. A woman whose life has been spared more times than i can remember. I can honestly say that self pity is the worst pity. It sounded so cliche when i first thought of it as a title for this blog. Yet the more i marinated on the subject the more i had to realize it was perfect to speak on for today. I remember hearing that Beyonce only allows herself one day to feel sorry for herself. Then she gets back to work. I truly wish to live by this saying. I have encountered so many heartache and pains that often times i try to pretend like it doesn't hurt. Lately i have become more bold enough to say that this shit hurts. lol. Nonetheless i am filled with the hopes that my life and circumstances will change for the better with the work that i am about to put in. I am not afraid to say that i am not perfect, i'm very far from it but i believe wholeheartedly that one day i will be. That one day when people hear my name or my story they do not cringe and run. Yet they hear my name and story and they smile and celebrate. Celebrate the progress i have made. The obstacles i have overcome. The beauty i have obtained from every heartbreak. I did it all with Allah. Allah helped me through it All. So truly i am not alone. Even when people try to portray me as that. I just pray and hope that one day Instead of so much pity. There will be a whole lot more parties. Asalaaam Alaikum.
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December 2020
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